Experimental Baking: Candy Corn Chocolate Cookies

First of all, I am NOT a professional baker, I’m just bored, so if this recipe sucks for you, I don’t wanna hear about it. That being said, here we go.

It’s January, Halloween is long gone but I still have a ton of candy corn.  Why? It’s cheap and I like it. Also, there don’t seem to be as many trick-or-treaters around these parts as there used to be. I always get too much candy and always have it sitting around ’til Easter.

So, what shall I do? I can’t throw it away, that would just be wrong. It is snowing out, and so I should be baking something, right? Hows about chocolate cookies with candy corn instead of chocolate chips?I guess it could work,  I mean, they’re just corn syrup and vanilla for the most part. And so I check the web figuring that there has to be an abundance of recipes out there, but I find that I’m wrong. I find recipes where the triangular bites are placed atop the cookie and a few where the cookie is kind of flat. Hmmm… I was hoping for something that uses them like chips or “baking bits” and are a little puffier or chewy even. I guess I have to experiment, so here I go.

El Recipe para Chocolate Candy Corn Cookies (like the Espanol? I know, right?)

¾ C butter – room temp, so it mixes nice

¼ c shortening

1 C sugar

½ C dark brown sugar

2 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

2 C flour

2/3 C cocoa

1 tsp baking soda

½ tsp salt

1 1/2 C candy corn, cut in halves – no more or the cookies fall apart

Ok, sit down and using a sharp knife, cut all of your candy corn in halfish – you want them to be close to chip size. At least that’s what I did. I suppose if you have one of those fancy choppy machine thingies you could use that, but I do not. I ended up using about 16 of the little bags from the giant bag. Next, cream together the sugars, butter and shortening. Add your eggs and vanilla. In a separate bowl, combine your flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt. Add your candy corn and then combine all of this with your buttery sugary mix AKA your wet ingredients. After it’s all mixed nicely, put it in the fridge while you preheat your oven to 350 degrees and clean up the mess you’ve made. All done? Good. Now, plop your batter onto an ungreased cookie sheet.

How big? I dunno, I didn’t really measure. A good spoonful I guess – you want them kinda big because if they’re too small, they kind of fall apart when they’re done.

See – over there on the right? That’s what happens when you don’t use enough batter and you’re impatient about getting them off the trays

What have I learned from this? Well, I’m not sure if chilling the dough is really necessary, but it’s what I always do when I use a cookie recipe with butter in it. I read somewhere once that they don’t flatten as much. I also always use bleached, all-purpose flour and wipe down my cookie sheets in between batches as greasy sheets tend to lead to flat cookies. Also, too much candy is not good or they won’t hold together.  Because your cookies will continue to ooze candy corn as they after they come out of the oven, you really have to  let them cool for at least 10 minutes before you pry them up.  You may want to use parchment paper if you don’t have non-stick sheets. Oh, and make sure the edge of your spatula is clean (no cookie stuck to them from the last batch) or you won’t be able to get under them nicely.

And finally, to be honest, the candy corn lends pretty much nothing at all to these cookies. This is probably the reason there aren’t many recipes for such a thing. Duh. BUT, the cookie part is awesome! At least to me it is. They taste like brownies, but in cookie form, no chips necessary. So, in the end, it was not really a waste at all, I done made myself my very own cookie recipe and that is kinda cool.

If by some miracle a skilled baker comes across this post and has any pointers, please feel free to comment.  :)

The Terminal Lunch

Once upon a time, not too long ago really, New York was a mecca of industry, shipping and manufacturing.  Just look at the panoramic openings of old movies and you’ll see docks and smoke stacks framing the islands of this fair city. Heck, if you’re from here all you have to do is think a little and there they are. But alas, they are gone. The factories have morphed into luxury condos that none of those blue collar folk could ever afford or storage warehouses. The only clues left that there were bustling piers are what remains of the pylons that peek out of the water at low tide. It’s a sad state of affairs, if you ask me, as many an honest family made an honest living at these places for a couple hundred years or so but alas, that is another story and not the one I am planning to tell here.

Bay and Edgewater Streets 1931

This essay is about a joint called the Terminal Lunch.  I found a picture of it on NYPL, where I find most of my old pics and was quite excited because I knew exactly where this was. I went straight to my usual resources and found… nothing. Oh. Fine. Here’s the deal: According to a 1917  issue of the Engineering News Record, Vol. 78, page 285 back in 1917 some dude named Alonzo B. Pouch bought three piers in Staten Island for shipping, receiving, etc. and I am guessing that the establishment Terminal Lunch came from that since according to a map from 1917, there was nothing  there – note it says VAC and RUINS .  Whether or not some local took advantage of the new industry to make some money from the freshly deposited dock workers and factory gals that would be visiting the neighborhood, or if it was Pouch himself who had the place built so he could get some of that weekly paycheck back from his employees, I could not say. But in any case, there it was and they sold Reid’s Ice Cream too, which was made in Brooklyn and Manhattan and had a warehouse in Long Island until about 1950.

Bay and Edgewater Streets 2011

Now, one of the reasons I couldn’t find anything special about Terminal Lunch was because that was pretty much the name for any number of cafes, diners, coffee counters or other eateries that were located near a transportation terminal be it bus or train in any part of the country. Pouch Terminal was located right next to the Clifton Ave Station of the SIRT. It was like calling a restaurant “Joe’s” or “Mike’s” or calling a cafe on Main Street “The Main Street Cafe”. You get the picture. And no, I could fund nothing on O.A.K Cigars and I promise I tried.

But, I did find a recipe for something called The Terminal Lunch. It was in the 1915 issue of The International Confectioner on page 37. Hmmm, now I had a challenge. See, I’m always goin’ on about how I wish I lived in the old-timey times. The question is, could I? Could I really? Aside from no decent bathrooms and other modern conveniences that I truly appreciate, I would have to eat the food that was popular back then. Is that something I could do? I’ve read recipes from the old days and have never had the balls to make any of them. I should do this. Why? Honestly it’s really just because for some reason I bought coffee syrup and have never had a reason to use it and this recipe calls for it. Yep, that’s pretty much it – I don’t want to throw out something I bought on a whim and haven’t used.

The recipe goes like this: “Into a mixing glass draw one ounce of chocolate and one ounce of coffee syrup; into this break an egg; add 2 ounces cream a little ice and 2 teaspoonfull of malted milk. Shake thoroughly and fill with carbonated water then pour into a clean 12-ounce glass.” So, I arranged my mise en place (I got all my stuff out) and here it is. Yes, I’m using half and half because I have no other use for cream so I’m not gonna buy it because it will just go bad. As for the malted milk, the closest thing I could think of that would work was the Ovaltine. As for the ice part, it didn’t specify crushed or cubed so I’m using cubed as a way to agitate everything before I pour in the seltzer.

Alright, here we go…ya know what?

It’s pretty good! It’s kinda like an egg cream, only an egg cream doesn’t have any eggs in it. Hmmm… maybe I could live back in the old days. But then again, I don’t know what this is gonna do to me come sunrise.

I Wish You a Merry Christmas

Yes, that’s right, Merry Christmas. And I’m not even religious, but I have been celebrating Christmas since I was a child and so has everyone in my family and that is what I am going to say.

Ya wanna know why? Cause I don’t believe in all of this watering down of holidays to make everyone feel better. Frankly, I think it’s insulting. If you celebrate Hanukkah, then please, by all means, wish me a Happy Hanukkah. I appreciate that you have shared your seasonal festivities with me, thank you. I’ll take a Blessed Yule too. No one, of any religion, should  feel required to say Season’s Greetings and Happy Holidays to somehow make everyone feel included. On the contrary, I think it makes people feel like they have to hide their beliefs somehow, almost as if they should feel ashamed and that’s just plain ridiculous.

If we should all have a better understanding of each other and our cultures, then we need to stop trying to make everyone exactly the same because we are not and that is a fact. We don’t raise our kids the same, or eat the same or even have the same moral values. Isn’t that a good thing? I mean, not one of my Jewish, Wiccan or Muslim friends has ever told me I couldn’t take part in their traditions – on the contrary, they have wanted me to learn more about them. I have never, ever been insulted when some threw me a Blessed Be or lit a Menorah in my presence.

If you feel all left out or insulted because someone says Feliz Navidad or asks you to spin a Dreidel, then maybe you are the one who needs to simmer down – these people want to share their joy with you, NOT exclude you. I mean honestly, is seeing a Christmas tree or a Menorah or a Pentagram that horrible? When someone gives me treats for Chinese New Year, I don’t go “Oh, no, that’s wrong – in America we celebrate it on January first.” On the contrary, I think it’s pretty cool that they thought of me, a non-Chinese person. At this rate, we had better take down all the jolly Holly, cause the Wiccans think it’s sacred. “Oh,” you say, “but what about all these public displays? That’s the problem.” Really? What specifically is the problem? Has any town ever checked everyone to see what religion they were before they their kids were permitted visit the dude dressed like Santa? Did they ever force their citizens to take part in the lighting of a religious symbol? No? So, I don’t get it, what’s the issue? If public display itself is the problem, then  I guess we need to ban Muslim girls from wearing head-scarves because it’s a “public display” of their religion? Tuck all the Star of David’s and Crucifixes in our shirts too? We have to ban the sale of looped pretzels in all publicy owned and operated facilities too, rod form only please, because as we all know the design for  yummy, soft giant looped pretzels were created by an Italian monk to reward Christian children for saying their prayers .  Come on, keep it going, I’m sure we could make a list a mile long.

If we are all supposed to be about “one race, the human race” and embrace each other’s traditions, etc., etc., then how about we stop trying to make everything generic which is boring and dull. And don’t we have better things to do than to constantly worry about than whether or not the tree in front of some public building is called a Holiday Tree or a Christmas Tree? Do you really think a sick child or a hungry person really gives a *&$% or do you think they’d rather just get better and have something to eat regardless of what the thing with the lights on it is called?

If you don’t wish to partake, simply say “thank you” and be grateful that someone thought of you, but don’t get all uppity about it. And for the rest of you who are worried about being PC  - screw that! You need to own your religion and if someone doesn’t like it, then that’s their problem.

A Short Little Walk through a bit of Rosey Rosebank

So, Texas Sally (she knows who she is) was all like “You have to write another blog.” and I was all like ” I guess, but I’m busy, whine, bitch, moan…” and then my mom, who coincidentally lived in Texas for a while was nagging me too – WTF?!? So, fine, I suppose I can scribble up a little something to get you people off my back.

Lyric Theater, Rosebank 1931

Our first stop is on Tompkins Ave. near Clifton. This storefront currently for rent was once a hoppin’ joint called the Lyric with John Russo your friendly neighborhood blacksmith on the corner. He lived around the block on Clifton Ave. The Lyric was a movie house and from what I was able to figure out it opened around 1927.  On the Cinema Treasures website, someone said that in 1940 it had become a restaurant. When I moved to town it was an electronics place and it’s now up for grabs.

No more movies, sorry folks.

I searched and searched all my websites and haven’t been able to find any reference to it – sigh. If someone with better eyes than me can figure out what was playing when this pic was taken in 1931, please let me know.

Next we have 1364 Bay Street. This fine three-story home was once owned by John Larkin way back when Bay was called New York Avenue ( I like that name better, don’t you?). He was originally a stone mason who came here from Ireland when he was a wee lad of only 2 or 3.

The Larkin family house, April 1931

He and his wife, Elizabeth had ten kids, but by 1900 only seven were still alive. Still living here with them were Mary, William, James and Rose. John and the wife seem to have died sometime before 1910 and by 1930, William and sister Mary were the only ones left there. The building is still there, but as you can see has undergone some major changes. In the past year, it was purchased by the Chinese restaurant two doors down, which used to be at 1372 (you can see they didn’t change their awning). This picture taken from the opposite view shows the new storefront added to the ground floor and the stoop has been encased in some odd way.

Old Larkin home, November, 2011

Now, when you go the old pic it will say this is 1370, but the census’ from 1900 through 1930 say this is 1364 as do Bing and Google maps.

If you walk further down Bay Street on the same side, you will find number 1212. This very square edifice was once home to Rosebank’s very own Engine Co. 202 which opened in 1905. It was renumbered  to Ladder 152 in 1913 and the fire company moved to Hylan Blvd. sometime before the end of 1930.

Rosebank Fire House in 1930

Not a fire house anymore

 Hagstrom’s Atlas and Official Postal Zone Guide from 1966 claims that this address was the home of the Rosebank Post Office.  Today if you need to visit our local postal facility, you’ll find it down the block from the old Lyric Theater.

Now, that billboard next door  to the old firehouse is for Fahy Brothers Coal and they were over on Lyman Avenue (all private homes now) and if you were cold, all you had to do was “Fone Fahy for Fuel”. Well, you could have up until about 1944 or so when Mr. Fahy and another member of his firm were indicted on charges of conspiracy to defraud the government. See, according to Aug 24, 1944 edition of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle the diverted over 800 tons of government owned coal that was intended for Halloran General Hospital and sold it to their private customers, keeping all of the money for themselves. Well,  alrighty then.

Cuthbertson House and the Cuthbertson Cow 1924

As you walk further down, on the opposite side of the street you’ll get to a typical shopping plaza where you can get your nails done, a sandwich, some coffee and maybe some toiletries. But there was once a time where all you were gonna get here was the odd look from a cow or maybe a chicken.

This peaceful little place was once home to a merchant named William D. Cuthbertson, his wife Julia and their children Emily, Julia, Elisabeth, Marion, Alice, Frank & John. It looks like they moved to Rosebank from Castleton sometime between 1840 and 1850 – I figured this out from old census records, if you were wondering. I don’t just make stuff up. Go, check, if you don’t believe me. Anyway,  according to “Staten Island and it’s People: a  history , 1609-1929″, Vol. II, page 884, “This family have resided on Staten Island since 1852 or earlier. William D. Cuthbertson was in business at 110 Front Street, New York, in 1859, and his home in the northeast corner of Clifton Avenue and Bay Street was long occupied by the family.” By 1900, William, Sr., and Julia are gone, Emily, daughter Julia and Elisabeth have probably married  but the rest of the kids are still here.  By 1900, William is gone but Frank, John, Mary and Alice are just hangin’ on. In 1920 it’s just sisters Marian and Alice, 81 and 76. Both girls died after this picture was taken, Alice in 1925 and Marian in 1929 at the ripe of age of 89.

Where on earth did that cow wander off to?

I can’t even find the home on the 1930 census, I guess Marian was the end of the line. Unfortunately, I would think, the building fell into disrepair and eventually became what you see here, courtesy of Google maps:

So there you have it, a very short little tour of just a couple of blocks in Rosebank, originally knows as Peterstown and once part of Southfield. There are at least a couple more things I can write about, I suppose, but I’ll save them for the next time you people start nagging me. You people meaning Texas Sally and my mom.

And if anyone trips across this page and can add more stuff, please do. It’s nice to see that not everything from days gone by has vanished. If you look hard enough in your own nabe, I’m sure you’ll see it really hasn’t all been torn down and replaced, it’s just hiding waiting for someone to find it again.

The Original South Beach – Staten Island

from The Brooklyn Daily Eagle, July 1st, 1913

New York City is composed of a bunch of islands – Manhattan, Long and Staten just to name a few. Once upon a time it was quite fashionable to “summer” at one of the many beach resorts located on these islands. They were chock-full of bungalows, hotels, restaurants, summer cottages, etc., etc. and the regular folk and well-to-do would flock to them every summer. Society columns in papers from NY and NJ would always have mentions such at “Miss Gertrude Soandso has been spending the week with Miss Harriet Whosawasit in The Rockaways,” and I believe that’s where the 1984 film The Flamingo Kid was supposed to have taken place too.

Back in 1935, part of South Beach, Staten Island looked like what you see in this fabulous picture from the NYPL Digital Collection. You are standing on Sand Lane with Oceanside Avenue on your left and straight ahead is Seaside Boulevard, now known as Father Capodanno Blvd.

In the distance you will find Jaeger’s Steam Baths and Beer Garden and to your left are the bungalows that were so prevalent in beach communities at the time. The next picture, also from NYPL, is the beachside view of Jaeger’s from 1929.

I tried to make the pictures larger, but if you click them, you’ll be transported take to NYPL’s page and you can them zoom in and out on your own. They’ve all but  disappeared here in South Beach yet some have held on in other places. If you ever get a chance to, you should really check out a documentary called The Bungalows of Rockaway where you can see some of what has remained and what it was like to live there.

Obviously now, my next step was to find out who this Jaeger fellow was. I scoured the 1930 census and could find no one named Jaeger living in Staten Island who owned a hotel or a beer garden or a steam bath and no Jaeger living in this part of Richmond county. Sigh. I also realized that the 1930 census was taken in April, at least a month before resort season, so he was probably at his regular residence which could be anywhere, even in NJ. I then found a snippet from an obit published in the NY Times in 1951 that mentioned that a Joseph Jaeger of Staten Island had  owned a lot of property in South Beach, so maybe it was him. But if I wanted to read the whole thing to find any other clues it would cost me $3.95 and they’re not getting my cash.

But this Jaeger dude wasn’t the only person in South Beach area and as I looked through each page a little grouping of Greek musicians caught my eye. They are Kostas & Marikas Papagikas and their nephew Angelo Greggo. Mary sang and Kostas played the cimbalom. They came to America in 1915 and had a club over on 34th between 7th and 8th. If you search for Marikas on the internet, you should actually be able to find lots of stuff, even some of her songs I believe.  Their club, named after the lady of the house,  closed in 1930 after the stock market crash – I wonder if  that’s when they moved to Staten Island? Maybe they worked the beach clubs? They lived in Arrochar, about a 10 minute walk from where our pictures are and Marikas died in Staten Island in 1943.

Peter Bessi owned one of the gajillions of hotels on South Beach from at least 1910 until his passing. According to his obituary from the October 1st, 1928 edition of the New York Evening Post, he came to America in 1882 and originally owned an alabaster and marble place on the island of Manhattan over on 14th and Broadway. It mentions that he entertained many Italian notables visiting from overseas. He died from asthma at the age of 72. Interestingly enough, after some rummaging around Fulton History, I discovered that the Bessi hotel lived on in the 1940′s but in another popular resort destination – The Poconos! This ad from 1942 informs us that the full staff of Bessi’s On The Boardwalk, formerly of Staten Island,  was ready to take care of you.

Other places you could have stayed if you decided to go on a vacay to good ol’ SB were J. Boeger’s Hoffman Island Hotel, the Eureka Hotel and Chowder Fred’s Famous Chowder House owned by H. Loesch. John Gebhardt’s Hotel was touted as the oldest hotel on South Beach. There was Nunley’s Railroad Hotel and Casino, The Naphtha House, Peerless Hotel and The Victoria to name a few. You could also visit Skinner’s Toboggan Carousal and MME. Elbner, the renowned Egyptian Palmist and Card Reader.

Over the years, South Beach and it’s hotels, amusements and bungalows, along with so many others in NYC,  fell victim to fires, floods, urban renewal, neglect, gentrification and the simple fact the things change. But there are plenty of new entertainments at these places, and even though you can’t go to a casino, you also don’t have to wear one of those old-timey bathing costumes.

from The Evening Leader, Corning NY, July 9th, 1920

The history of NY’s beaches is vast and you can find tons of stuff just about the amusement parks alone – South Beach had Happy Land which opened in 1906 and  Bachmann’s, probably owned or named after the brewer from Clifton, SI.  I won’t tell you about all of them, you’ll have to find them on your own. I can’t do all the work ya know!

Anyway, this is what Sand Lane from Oceanside towards the formerly named Seaside Blvd looks like on an August afternoon in 2011. Even though all of the resort stuff is gone, it’s a nice beach all the same.

Carpe Panis!

Seize the what? Seize the bread it what it’s supposed to mean. Cause, check it out, this here blog is about carp fighting over various types of bread that people throw at them – so, Carpe Panis! Get it?

Anyhoo, there I was in Ohio chillin’ with my sis on a pontoon boat while the husbands attempted to catch some fish in Lake Pymatuning. She asks me if I want to go to Linesville. I have no idea what she’s talking about and she informs me that if we venture there I will spy something I have never spied in all my 39 years. Now, really. How amazing can this sight really be? I’m a native NYer for heaven’s sake! I’ve seen people dressed like carrots giving away juice at Grand Central. I saw a dude dressed like the Ranch1 Chicken, covered in filth walking down 17th street with his chicken head under his arm looking like he was about to go kick someone’s ass. I even saw, I swear to God, a bunch of people dressed like Santa and Mrs. Claus, in Bryant Park, dancing on and around a GIANT bowl of Chex cereal. No lie.

So, what could this thing be out here in nice, peaceful PennaOhio that was so friggin spectacular? Well, I guess we could go, we had nothing else to do and the fish in Pymatuning were being total jerks that day. So, off we piled into the car and drove a bit to The Spillway in Linesville, PA.

First amazing thing there? A tourist site with free parking and free “admission”, not even a box with a sign for a suggested donation. No cops, no security guards, no one checking your purse or your pockets. That in itself was worth the trip. I know right? How crazy is that?

Alright, back to my story. What on earth can be so darn special? Lemme tell you: fish. Big, fat, slimy carp battling it out for pieces of bread, bagels, rolls and muffins being tossed at them by thoroughly amused children and grown up New Yorkers. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but just look at them. That’s just a few, there had to be thousands, dropping the big elbow on each other, pushing & shoving just to get stale and sometimes moldy bread. You can bring your own or for a dollar or two, get some from the little stand that also sells ice cream. At first you just throw some in, then you realize that they are actually paying attention to you. You can dangle a dry old piece right above them and they’ll all look up at you, their big mouths opening and closing in desperation, making these weird sucking noises. If you wave a slice back and forth they all follow, simply mesmerized by its green, fuzzy goodness. Then throw it in and it erupts into carp chaos!

All the while, the ducks, who are said to walk on them to casually steal a bialy, stare at both the tourists and the fish like we are just schmucks. I sincerely think they were mocking all of us.

But how did this wacky yet wonderful American tradition come to be? Well, to begin with, Lake Pymatuningwas not always a lake, it was a swamp and according to the Feb., 23rd 1930 issue of the Springfield Republican it was a “wasteland infested with creeping things, wild animals and ‘spooks’.”  The article goes on to tell of a mysterious ship that had been stuck in the swamp for maybe over 400 years. The thinking was that it may have been part of DeSoto’s fleet that went up the Shenango River back when it was still wide enough to accommodate such a vessel, and it attacked by the local Indians. There was also the story of an Indian girl who, after refusing the advances of her boyfriend, was taken out to a sandbar in his canoe where he left her to her demise.  Neither of these tales or any other mysteries were enough to stop anyone from filling the swamp, I don’t believe any archaeologists were there to investigate the area or put a halt to anything. The good folks of OH and PA had been waiting for this darn dam since 1913 and by gum, they needed their fresh water and jobs.

From the 10/26/1931 edition of the Omaha Herald

Finally, on October 6th, 1930, Gov. Gifford Pinchot, using a silver plated shovel, turned the first clump of earth and officially began construction of the Pymatuning Dam in Greenville, PA.

Now I know you’re wondering what the heck does any of this have to do with bread eating carp? Patience, people. A little bit of American history never hurt anyone – sheesh! Fast forward to 1934, the dam is done and the Spillway opens – huzzah!  A spillway, which from what I have been able to figure out via the internet, naturally attracts fish for some reason and this one attracts oversized carp. So what’s the dealio with the bread? Well, from a column in the October 13th, 1935 issue of the Ohio Plain Dealer, it’s quite a simple tale. Someone dropped a piece of his sandwich into it and the fish went crazy. All the other folks noticed and started throwing bread from their lunch baskets in too and have been doing so since 1934.

So, it’s maybe 1952. You and the wife and kids are all dressed up because that was what you did back in the old days when you went on any sort of excursion, and watching all these fish eat is making you hungry. What to do, what to do… I know, you can head about two and a half miles down the road to the Linnwood Restaurant.

They opened a few years ago, around 1949 or so and it happens to be Thursday so you can get the Threshermans dinner. Nice. “Hey, Pop,” asks your son Johnny, “What’s a Threshermans dinner?”

“Why son,” you say, ” a Threshermans dinner is an old tradition among the farming folks around these parts. You see every summer all the farmers would get together to help each other cut and gather the grain and put in threshing machines which separated the parts we can eat from the parts we can’t. It was very, very hard work and while the men did that, all of the women folk  prepared a huge meal for them. At the end of the day, everyone gathered together for a great, big dinner.”

“That sound’s fun, Pop! Did they have pie?”

“I bet they did son, ” you say as you tousle his hair. “Now why don’t you go get your Mom and Sally and we’ll just go see about that pie.”

So off you go to the Linnwood over on the Spillway Road, and eat until you’re sleepy. Their slogan is “Where the Ducks Walk on Fish”, a phrase I have found to be attributed to one Alpine McLane or MacLaine. According to the 1930 census, Alpine was born in DeSoto, MO around 1893 and lived in Linesville where he owned a hardware store. I haven’t found any indication that he or his family owned The Linnwood and if there’s someone out there who knows, please tell us.

And that’s it, the end. Is that all? Honestly? There’s no folktale where maybe the spirit of that poor Indian Lass who was left to drown needs to be appeased, or that it brings good fortune or improves your catch the next time you’re out? You mean these carp aren’t the doomed souls of DeSoto’s crew? Nope. Carp like bread is all. But who cares? It’s 10 minutes of honest, pure, clean fun and although The Linnwood is no more, I’m sure there are plenty of other awesome joints around. You should ask the locals about the Lake, maybe they’ll have more tales to tell.

Gentrification Project Update

This draft memo was discovered on the men’s room floor in an eatery near city hall.

September 1^st, 2011  CONFIDENTIAL DRAFT

From:   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To:       To Be Determined

Subject: Update on Gentrification and Re-Colonization of New York City

This memo is a follow up to the Update… of February 15^th, 2011.

The City’s plan to Gentrify and Re-Colonize Counties 1-5  is progressing on schedule at this time.

Since we have raised or added taxes and fees on just about all city services including parking, licenses, etc. and have given our blessing to various utility companies and transit monopolies to raise rates,  many so-called “native” City Residents have been forced to leave. This has also resulted in landlords being required to raise their rents which in itself has been a major boon to our campaign as it has forced common “natives” to re-locate to areas such as Counties 3, 4 & 5 (please refer to your map)  allowing more wealthy and upper class denizens to fill their places in County 1 and especially in County 2.

We have had major success in either displacing or eliminating industries that have been in The City for far too long.  By allowing old warehouses and other manufacturing facilities to be turned into luxury condominiums, high-priced lofts, gourmet bakeries, etc. the blue-collar individuals have  almost all disappeared as they can no longer afford to live in the neighborhoods they were born and raised in.

Backing projects for various parks and other recreational areas has also pressured other established businesses to shut down as they no longer “fit” into the new neighborhood dynamic.  We have waited a very long time for this to come to fruition but we are closing in on the end result and hope to have completed gentrification of these areas by the end of 2013.  A partial list of established business that have either been forced to shut down or opted to leave of their own accord is provided at the end of this document.

“Hipsters” have become a blessing in disguise, if you will. As discussed during previous meetings, we were unsure if they would help or hinder our  progress. Although they rarely work and contribute little it seems the have been quite useful. They have chosen to settle mainly in County 2 much to the disappointment of the natives there. They patronize the newer, trendier businesses that are willing to pay exorbitant rents and fees just to say they are part of The City and they pick up trash for their “art”, taking the burden off of city sanitation. They have taken it upon themselves to move into less expensive, more urban neighborhoods in Counties 1 & 2, even giving some of them nicknames i.e., East Williamsburg, The Third Ward and Little Wisco  thus making them more attractive to new residents who are willing to overpay to reside there. They seem to view these hipsters as less of a threat than homeless people and possibly find them amusing.

Hipsters have attempted to put down roots in Counties 3, 4 & 5 but appear to be having a difficult time. This may be a result of natives who cannot afford to leave The City altogether who are relocating to these areas. We suspect that in time the hipsters will indeed establish themselves there, paving the road for further gentrification, it will simply take longer than expected. For now, Counties 1 &2 are approximately 85% homogenized.

The City is also entertaining  several  new resources for revenue, but they will be discussed at our next meeting. The legal department is still ironing out details and it would be imprudent to address them at this time. Rest assured, our staff is working diligently on this project and at least two should be on the books by the end of the year.

Below is a list of some of the businesses that have or MAY close in the future:

Philip’s Candy http://www.placematters.net/node/1415

Ruby’s Coney Island http://vanishingnewyork.blogspot.com/2011/08/rubys.html

Brownfeld Auto Service http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/high_line_and_dry_Jur2an4S5JcHYmf3egSO6K

Antiques Garage in Chelsea  http://stuffnobodycaresabout.com/2011/08/08/garage-flea-antique-market-closing/

Various remaining meat packing plants in said district http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/nyregion/thecity/08meat.html?_r=1&ref=thecity

Andrew’s Coffee Shop – one of the last two? http://www.yelp.com/biz/andrews-coffee-shop-new-york-3

Jade Mountain http://lostnewyorkcity.blogspot.com/2007/01/curse-of-jade-restaurant.html

There are many, many more including Mars Bar, Film Center Café,  P&G Bar,  Olympia Garage, Bialystoker Nursing Home, Galaxy Diner, Chelsea Hotel,  Jahn’s Ice Cream Parlor, Durrow’s of Glendale, Moondance Diner,  Coney Island Bialys & Bagels, CBGB’s, etc., etc. We will not list links to articles here but you may search the internet for them and others on your own. It is  indeed true that some of these establishments closed because times have changed, our administration can’t take all of the credit, although we’d like to.

If you are aware of any other businesses/buildings that have been shuttered or destroyed completely in the past 10-12 years, please feel free to list them.

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