I, like a million other people, am on Facebook. I have a decent amount of friends, not a thousand like some people (mostly the teenagers and college kids who seem to know absolutely everyone in the known universe) but more than fifty. Some I see all the time, some are family, lots are friends I’ve reconnected with and a bunch are just on my list for games. And of course I, like many of you, think it feels cool to have a lot of people on my list. Just admit it because you know it’s true. You know as well as I do that you get a little tingle inside every time your count goes up. It’s ok, we all want to feel special.
As I’m sure I have in common with just about everyone on FB, there are those friends who you hooked up with after not seeing them for twenty years and then, after seeing what they post, you realize exactly why you haven’t hung out with them in so long. So what to do? Do you unfriend them? Me, I simply hide their posts if they annoy me so much. I check up on them every once in awhile. No biggie.
Some friends never post anything at all. You can tell they joined because their friends nagged them, but it’s just not for them. That’s cool. Do I unfriend them? No, they aren’t hurting me so who cares, right? You have the ones who almost exclusively post things about games. For those guys, I just hide their game posts. Easy as pie. No one gets upset or offended or anything.
Then, we have the pretentious friends who suddenly say “It’s time to clean house. If I don’t talk to you I’m deleting you. Time to see who my real friends are.”
Well egads! OMG! I had better check my friends list – do I have one less friend now than I did before? Oh dear! Whatever did I do?!? Hurry, I had better write on their wall and beg them not to delete me. I’ll be a good friend, I promise!
Guess what, mr. or ms. high and mighty, you had no problem rushing to confirm someone as your friend so you could up your friend count and make yourself feel popular. You had no problem looking for bitches you hated in HS just so you could friend them and check their pics to see if they got fat or ugly.
So good, I hope you delete me cause you are being a pretentious jerk. I mean, really, who the hell do you think you are? It’s facebook for christ’s sake!
Now excuse me while I go check my friends list – jeepers! I hope my friends who just did their “house cleaning” don’t think I meant them. Oh no, whatever have I done?
My Old NY Just Ain't What She Used to Be 
Those “I’m holding you hostage, do as I say” FB posts are always my favorites followed by the occasional “98% of you won’t post this as your status, time to see who the real people who truly care about the plight of down syndrome transvestite monkey circus clowns really are”. I’m trying to figure out how I can use a variation of that to get presents “98% of you won’t send me a MacBook Air, but 2% of my TRUE FRIENDS will! Are you a TRUE friend??” (it may take a little word-smithing to ensure UPS is a regular visitor at my door, but I think I can make it happen)
oooh – that sounds like a brilliant idea. I need a new windshield wiper motor for my car. of course if you have lots of friends, you can always just ask for like a dollar from each of them and maybe end up with enough to get yourself lunch or a new pair of shoes.